There are three parts to divorce - the emotional parting, the physical separation, and the financial division.
Emotional parting is a journey all to itself. Rarely is the decision to divorce an overnight thought. Relationships begin to come apart at the seams until the realization of a tear that cannot be stitched back together. When possible, we encourage finding the right therapist that may be able to help you rediscover your relationship. The earlier you see the unraveling thread the better the odds are of avoiding the tear.
Complete physical separation sometimes happens right away and other times begins with separate bedrooms. During COVID some divorcing couples found ways to stay in the same household as they worked through the steps of divorce. Depending on your physical and emotional health this can work. What we sometimes see is that one person has moved along the emotional divorce at a faster pace than the other. Remaining in the same physical space in a civil atmosphere sometimes leads to a false sense of a new normal and hope of repair. Knowing which one you are in the relationship may help you better manage your own expectations and those of others.
The financial aspect of divorce includes division of assets and debts, spousal maintenance negotiations, and child support calculations. The nuance of division and support in a community property state lends some to believe each account or asset must be split in half. The assumed 50/50 split does not have to be per account but can be total value division. For example, if you each have the same value in your 401(k) you each keep your account rather than divide each one. Additionally, one might get the savings account and the other an investment account of equal value. Of course, it is not identical in growth nor risk, but it may suit each recipient depending on their next steps. The point is that they don’t have to be identical accounts but should be close in valuation.
How all of this is managed is often the determining factor in how each person moves forward. Ultimately the goal is to pack your physical and emotional bags with less tattered items for the next phase of your life journey.
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