Life quakes are those periods in our lives where our world is turned upside down and we feel there is no overcoming. Some experience the emotional and financial impacts of losing a loved one, learning independence after divorce, or experiencing a health changing condition. When life changes the influences of financial fears rear their frightening talons that grip us with uncertainty.
How do some cope and others crash through what appears to be similar experiences? For some it is the ability to call upon our superpowers.
Superpower #1 - The ability to reframe
Reframing is a tool used to redirect perspective from the “me now” lens to more forward thinking. I use this in regular life. For example, when someone appears difficult my first thought might be “they are difficult”, and to reframe I will say “this is a person experiencing difficulties”. It moves my thoughts from feeling the situation is directed at me to how I can see resolution to the situation. How can I better meet the challenge presented? By reframing.
How, you ask, can this apply to someone grieving over a deceased loved one or the highly emotional divorcing couple? It is a delicate shift of “why did this happen to me” to “this is happening” and what are my options. Reframing is to help challenge automatic thoughts of “to me” forward to “what is here for me” – redirecting the mindset to options to move forward. To remove restrictions of change to the possibilities of the change at hand. As I have said before, when life changes, money changes. The ability to reframe helps adjust the mindset from financial fear to exploration of available options. It is not to say that using super-powers is easy – it is often a process of trying and trying again.
Superpower #2 - The power of uncertainty
You might say – “when is there ever power in uncertainty? I like to know what is happening!” But life is always in change mode with periods calm. This power allows you to address change (problems or opportunities) with openness to explore solutions – of which you are yet to know the answers. A closed mind keeps uncertainty the enemy in your mind rather than the potential of what is yet to come. By keeping an open mind to possibilities during uncertainty this enables the financial fears of uncertainty to turn into curiosity and knowledgeable to create an understanding of opportunity.
We frequently react to uncertainty rather than respond. Reactions generally are based in emotion whereas responses are generally thought based. Uncertainty can fuel fear and reaction can ignite fear to a roaring fire out of control.
Most of us have expectations of what life is meant to be and can handle most events with skillsets we have learned, but life quakes are different. They erode our confidence in what we know and turn it into paralyzing fear of what we don’t yet know.
Using our power of uncertainty allows us to look at change without knowing what is yet to come but empowered to explore the possibilities without embracing one over the other. It isn’t about seeing the bliss of change. It is about accepting that there are possibilities as we pass through the change.
Superpower #3 - The power of empathy
We normally think of empathy as what we offer toothers. A way to connect. In this context, I am referring to self-empathy - connecting to yourself in a way that you become visible to yourself - and self-understanding. Empathy helps you label what you are experiencing in a way to validate feelings and remove self-judgement. This power becomes visible to others creating greater connections in a period that can be very meaningful. It builds confidence in your ability to recognize your reality as normal when it feels the least normal.
Why should a financial advisor care about these superpowers? Because your financial decisions during a life quake can make a difference in your future financial success. Recognizing the underlying personal side of your money helps balance the decisions on the technical side, reducing the effects of immobilizing financial fears.
Those people who can see their superpowers during life quakes experience their aftershocks with a greater ability to absorb the tremors of a life quake and arrive at a new normal with greater financial confidence and self-perspective.
If you are experiencing a life quake, or know someone who is, we can help. Call 602.923.9800 now to schedule your complimentary visit. Weare waiting to meet you.We're here to help you feel more confident about your financial future.
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